As the holliers approach, I’m pondering the idea that one might use this time more profitably. Found myself idly watching the sad tale of a lady who had combined her holiday abroad with liposuction, breast enlargement and something unspeakable to do with her eyebrows. Of course, it ended in tears – particularly no doubt the eyebrows bit. Indeed she spent the entire interview trying not to say that ‘It had all gone pear-shaped.’ Must check what is available to me in Falcarragh, Creeslough and Port na Blagh – I expect the bruising will have faded a bit by the time I got back to Perth. I wonder if they do Air Miles. A bit of stretching to give me that bit of extra height – a Donald Trump hair weave perhaps – a tuck behind the ears to take away the lines of character and give me that baby face, starey look. Perhaps better to bathe in fresh Atlantic sea water and apply the Guinness internally.